Soulmates
by Loveandcoffeeandsimplicities
Summary: Caitlin had never believed in soulmates, until she did. I do not own the Flash.


Caitlin had never wanted a soulmate, didn't believe in them; they were impractical and highly implausible. Someone who knew everything about you? Someone who knew you better than you knew yourself? Impossible. It was that impossibility that led Caitlin to believe she never wanted to find love – led her to believe she could lead a happy life without it. So, that's exactly what she did while everyone else around her fell in love with their counterparts.

She lived her life as openly and honestly as she could while all her friends found the person they deemed their soulmate. While her friends were busy settling into their lives with the one person they would always be with, Caitlin was hungry for multiple interactions with different people. Every night after class, she would head to a club that wasn't too far off campus, drinking and having a good time, going home with whoever she deemed a worthy enough suitor for the night. She was living her life without the need to feel pressured from one person and one person alone and she loved it.

"Come on, Cait, we're going to be late!" Felicity called and Caitlin rolled her eyes as she applied the final layer of mascara. Tonight they were supposed to be going to a bar Oliver, Felicity's soulmate, had found. He promised it was better than the one that they often frequented after classes but Caitlin didn't have high expectations. Oliver had been known to lead them astray once or twice before.

"I'm coming, Licity!" Caitlin shouted back as she gave herself a once over in the mirror. Dark, black dress, black high heels, and perfectly curled hair. Yes, she'd be quite the distraction tonight. After applying a bit of red lipstick, Caitlin made her way out into the living room of the apartment she shared with Felicity and spotted the blonde girl, and her boyfriend, intertwined on the couch. Caitlin rolled her eyes.

"I thought you said we were going to be late, Licity," she reminded her friend, who pulled back from kissing Oliver with a quizzical quirk to her eyebrow.

"We were. Then I got distracted," she replied and Caitlin shook her head. Normally, she didn't have a problem with Oliver Queen. He was good to Felicity and treated her right – the way a soulmate should, Caitlin thought. But nights like these, he grated on her last nerve. She picked up her purse, making sure her cigarettes were in there. Caitlin, who normally condoned smoking as a horrible habit, couldn't resist the crave of nicotine even she got after having a few drinks. Knowing that tonight would be filled with alcohol, she had no trouble assuming she was going to need them.

"Well, let's go," she stated and glanced at Oliver, who was smirking smugly.

"You know, Cait, for someone who says they don't believe in love, you never fail to dress for the part," he said and Caitlin rolled her eyes.

"You know, Ollie, for someone who's got a love life, it'd do you good to be a little less invested in mine and more aware of what was going on in yours'," she snapped and he laughed.

"Touched a nerve, Snow?" Oliver asked and she sighed.

"Forget it, Queen, let's go," she reiterated and the group finally made their way out of the apartment and towards the club.

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The trio met up with Hartley and Cisco, who were soulmates, and they all filtered into the club. Even Caitlin had to admit this club was better than their normal one. Bodies were pressed tightly against the dance floor, almost as if they were all one, and alcohol was stacked high up to the ceiling, held by invisible wire.

They made their way to a table and Oliver quickly went off to get everyone shots. After downing hers', Caitlin glanced at the other two couples. The four of them were absorbed with their partners and didn't look like they'd miss her – perfect.

"I'm going to dance," she said to Felicity who just nodded her head and she walked off, holding her clutch tightly in her hand. Caitlin never had to go up to a guy to ask him to dance, they usually gravitated to _her_. Tonight was no different. Not even a minute after she stepped onto the dance floor, did a guy flock up to her.

"You look lonely, want to dance?" Came the question and Caitlin winced at his pathetic attempt at flirting but thought about it, regardless. Finals were finished and Christmas break had officially started; who was she to deny herself a good time? Nodding her head, she turned around.

"I'm Caitlin," she called over the thumping bass.

"Peter," Peter shouted back and she studied him. Tall, taller than she was, with jet black hair and a bit of a southern accent. This could be fun.

"Well, Peter, let's dance and if you're good company, I may let you buy me a drink," she concluded and he gulped, eyes raking over her as he nodded.

They danced for a bit, and Peter was a painfully sloppy dancer, Caitlin came to find out. She still let him buy her a drink. When they were seated at the bar, they quickly downed their shots before Caitlin ordered a vodka and sprite.

"So Peter, what brings you out tonight?" Caitlin asked conversationally as she lit a cigarette. He watched in fascination as she blew out the smoke to the left of her, letting the smoke billow up into a cloud.

"Uh, well, I'm out here looking," he mumbled and Caitlin frowned.

"Looking for what?" Caitlin asked cautiously, though she had a feeling she knew what his answer would be.

"My soulmate," he muttered and Caitlin resisted the temptation to roll her eyes – she didn't want to hurt the poor guy.

"Is that so?" Caitlin asked, feigning interest. He nodded his head.

"What about you?" Peter asked eagerly and Caitlin thought he looked like an excitable puppy, with the way his head tilted to the side every time he asked a question.

"Well, Peter," Caitlin started as she ashed her cigarette. "I'm here to have a good time."

"With your soulmate?" Peter asked hopefully and Caitlin sighed.

"To tell you the truth, Peter, soulmates really aren't my _thing_ ," she admitted honestly and watched as his shoulders fell forward with a slump.

"Oh."

She took a little pity on him and rubbed a soothing thumb against the back of his palm.

"Look, Peter, you seem like a really nice guy. I'm sure you'll find your soulmate – I'm just not the girl for you," she murmured and he nodded dejectedly.

"That's okay," he muttered and she watched as he downed the last bit of his drink and slouched off. Sighing, she tapped her empty glass on the bar, signaling for another drink.

"Soulmates really aren't your thing, huh?" Came a voice and Caitlin glanced over her shoulder to spot a brunette guy with piercing green eyes staring at her.

"No," she replied.

"Mine neither," he admitted truthfully and sat down next to her.

"Barry Allen," he said a moment later.

"You'll notice I didn't ask," Caitlin replied dryly, already bored of the night and thinking longingly of her bed.

"I did. Figured I'd say it anyways. Like how I'm going to say smoking kills," he said as he stared pointedly at her cigarette.

"So does life," she replied as she took another drag. He shot her an amused look.

"Well, Ms. Pessimist, do I get to know your name?" Barry asked and she sighed.

"Caitlin."

"Caitlin," he repeated and Caitlin found herself feeling warm when he said it. Shaking her head of the thoughts, she looked at him.

"Was there something I could help you with, Allen?" Caitlin asked and he shook his head.

"No, just wondering if you wanted another drink?" Barry replied.

At that moment, the bartender slid her drink over to her and she took a needed sip.

"Already a step ahead of you," she said and he chuckled.

"So I can tell."

He ordered a drink for himself and they sat there, in silence, drinking. Caitlin was feeling warm and sleepy, a combination the clued her into the fact that she needed to slow down on the drinking. She closed out her tab and stood up, stumbling slightly. Barry stilled her with a firm hand to her back. She blinked as she looked at him.

"Thanks," she muttered as she straightened up. She glanced around for her friends before checking her phone and realizing Felicity had texted her about an hour ago, saying they were done for the night. She groaned.

"Something wrong, Caitlin?" Barry asked in concern and she sighed.

"No, just the fact that I lost my ride for the night and I don't want to call a cab. I better go, considering it's a bit of a long walk back to the apartment," she replied and began walking away. Barry kept up with her easily.

"Why don't you let me walk you back? Keep you company?" Barry asked and she thought about it. On the one hand, she was perfectly fine keeping herself company; on the other, it was a long walk back and the night was cold. Having a partner seemed to make the idea a little less daunting.

"Alright," she murmured, feeling the sleepy effects kick in even further.

They had made it about ten feet out of the club when Barry stopped her. She looked at him inquisitively.

"You look like you're about to collapse on your feet right here and right now," he murmured and she raised an eyebrow.

"So?"

"So, why don't we go back to my apartment? It's about five minutes up the road." Barry replied.

She shook her head. "I'm perfectly fine walking to my apartment but I can drop you off at yours' on the way."

"Just, sleep in a bed before you crash on the street." Barry urged and she thought about it before sighing.

"Fine, but you're taking the couch."

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When they got to Barry's apartment, he made sure she was situated in his bed and comfortable, before leaving a glass of water on the nightstand.

"If you need me, I'll be on the couch," he murmured but Caitlin was already drifting off to sleep, so the words were lost on her.

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The next morning, she came to with a gasp and strong headache.

"Damn," she murmured as she squeezed her eyes shut against the blinding light that was filtering in passed the window shade. She spotted a glass of water on the nightstand and quickly drank some – it was lukewarm but it eased her parched throat. She sat up slowly a moment later, groaning against the sudden movement. She had fallen asleep in her dress, that much was clear. However, her shoes had been kicked off haphazardly and were laying apart from each other randomly.

She smelt fresh coffee and got up off the bed, rubbing her sleep filled eyes.

Once she had followed her nose to the kitchen, she spotted Barry at the counter, flipping what appeared to be bacon.

"Morning," she alerted him to her presence.

"Morning, Caitlin," he replied softly. He jerked his head towards the counter.

"Fresh coffee and Tylenol; it'll do a world of good," he commented wisely and she smirked before going and taking some, then pouring her a cup of coffee. She leaned back against the counter and sipped her coffee, watching as he flipped the bacon again. He felt her eyes on him and looked up with a soft smile.

"Greasy food – a hangover's best friend," he murmured and she laughed.

"Thanks," she replied. He plated up her bacon, adding a couple of pieces of toast and they made their way to his table. She wasn't sure why she was staying for breakfast; she never stayed over the next morning after staying the night with a guy. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that nothing happened. Whatever the reason, she found herself oddly content to just sit there and munch happily on her bacon.

They ate in silence for a few moments before Barry cleared his throat.

"So, you don't believe in soulmates, huh?" Barry asked curiously and she shook her head.

"Nope," she replied swiftly and he looked at her, silently asking her to elaborate.

"There's something very…. unnerving about loving one person for the rest of your life. Trusting them to take care of you and love you unconditionally is seemingly impossible," she said as she finished her bacon. Barry looked at her for a long moment as she took another sip of her coffee. She felt judged and lowered her eyes.

"Who hurt you, Caitlin?" Barry asked and she rolled her eyes.

"As fun as this has been, I think that's my cue to leave. I can show myself out," she muttered and stood up, putting her plate and empty cup in the sink. She was immensely grateful that she had already put her shoes on, so just headed out, sending a wave over her shoulder as she did so.

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Caitlin spent the next few evenings frequenting the clubs on and off campus. She danced and drank, enjoying her freedom but something, (she wasn't sure what), felt different. No matter how many guys she went home with, there was an ever present dull ache inside of her chest. It felt suspiciously like disappointment.

It wasn't until the fifth night that she was out did the feeling dissipate.

She had just downed her third shot and was sipping out of her vodka and sprite when the vacant seat next to her was suddenly occupied. Too busy trying to drown out her disappointment, Caitlin didn't look up.

"You're going to be sick," a soft voice called over the thumping music and she blinked. She knew that voice. Looking up, she spotted Barry Allen staring at her in concern.

"Well, I don't really see how that's any of your business, Allen," she muttered as she slurped her drink.

He sighed and placed his hand on her wrist, stilling her from draining the last drop of her drink.

"Why don't you call it a night and come home with me?" Barry asked softly. He was so close to her ear that she didn't have to strain to hear him.

"And, why would I do that?" Caitlin asked with a crooked eyebrow. He looked at her.

"Do you really want to go home with another guy who's looking for his soulmate? That's got to be boring for you," he murmured and Caitlin thought about it. It _was_ getting redundant to spend the night with all these different guys, begging her to be the one. She'd slip quietly out of their apartments each morning, with a terrible hangover, walking away with a sinking feeling in her chest as she disappointed yet another guy. She sighed.

"Fine," she muttered after another momentary pause. He smiled.

She closed out her tab and stood up on wobbly knees; his hand a constant on her lower back as he guided her out of the club. It was the same club Oliver had introduced them to a week ago so she knew his apartment was close by.

As they walked, they talked.

"I'm sorry if you thought I was judging you for your comments about the whole soulmate situation," Barry murmured and she looked at him in surprise before shrugging a shoulder. She lit a cigarette and took a long drag.

"There are worse things to be judge for," she chuckled.

He nodded his head as he kept light pressure at her back, helping to ensure she didn't trip or stumble.

They made it to his apartment by the time she finished her cigarette and walked inside and to the elevator. After they had reached his floor and Barry had ushered her in, Caitlin was feeling a bit more sober and clear headed. She headed to his couch and sat down.

"I'm going to make some coffee, hold on," Barry called before disappearing into his kitchen. Caitlin leaned back into his couch and waited for him to return. She looked around his apartment, taking in every detail. There were photos littering the walls and every surface of his tables and she smiled. It was all very homey. He returned a moment later with two steaming cups of coffee. She took hers' with a word of thanks.

They sipped their coffee, enjoying the silence that enveloped them for a few moments before Barry cleared his throat.

"So, I've asked before and I'll ask again because I'm curious: who hurt you?" Barry asked softly and Caitlin sighed. She was still feeling the effects of the alcohol somewhat, which was why she probably decided to be honest. She nodded her head.

"His name was Ronnie Raymond and I thought he was my soulmate," Caitlin murmured before taking another sip. Barry just waited patiently for her to carry on. She sighed.

"We met in high school and were inseparable. He was my everything. Then, one day in college, I came back from winter break and caught him kissing another girl. I don't even remember her name. What I do remember is the heartache I felt from seeing that. He was embarrassed at being caught but didn't have the decency to explain why he thought it was okay to kiss another girl when he claimed he was my soulmate. So, I made a vow right then and there to never get close to another guy and to not be tied down by one guy who claimed they were my soulmate again," Caitlin finished with a shrug.

Barry sighed as he hesitantly rubbed her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Caitlin," he murmured and she laughed.

"Don't be, I'm not. It was a long time ago and I'm enjoying my life as a free woman," she replied before taking another sip of her coffee.

"I don't know if spending endless nights getting drunk and then going home with random men you don't know the names of qualifies as being a "free woman"," Barry argued and she thought about it. She wasn't sure if she could disagree with him.

"Well, it's better than putting all of your trust in one person. Giving them ample opportunity to break you," she countered after a moment with a sigh. She wasn't sure why she was being so open and honest with Barry, but there was something that told her that she could. Something that made her feel safe and secure. He nodded his head as they continued to talk, sharing stories and laughter about their childhoods and families.

Caitlin was feeling warm and comfortable as she talked. She listened in fascination as he explained about growing up with his parents.

"They sound like good people," she murmured, thinking about her own parents. She was very close to her father, while her mother and she had a strained relationship.

"What about your parents?" Barry asked softly and she bit her lip as she hesitated. Barry rubbed a soothing thumb into the back of her hand.

"It's okay to share things, Cait, I won't judge you," he murmured and she found herself liking the nickname he came up with. Nodding her head, she began to talk.

"I'm very close to my father; I was always a daddy's girl. I used to love the fact that my parents were soulmates – they had known each other since grade school and have never strayed away from one another. It was my mother who had instilled the importance and value of a soulmate into me," she murmured, getting lost in the memories.

"When I met Ronnie, she thought I had finally found the one, as did I. I don't know who was more disappointed by the way that turned out, her or me," Caitlin laughed bitterly.

"After I vowed to never be with one guy again, our relationship turned tumultuous," Caitlin muttered.

"We fought all the time and she judged me for the way I lived my life. It got to be too much and now we don't talk at all," Caitlin finished with a deep sigh.

"Do you still talk to your dad?" Barry asked in concern and she smiled.

"Every day. He was too stubborn and pigheaded to let me cut him out of my life, too," she laughed.

They didn't say anything else, just sat there, in comfortable silence. It wasn't long before Caitlin was yawning and Barry was easing her down onto his chest.

"What are you doing?" Caitlin mumbled.

"Shh, sweetheart," he murmured and she let his soft voice wash over her and soothe her.

"You're tired, and drained, so I just want you to sleep," he added and she nodded, feeling safe. She still couldn't remember the point that she fell asleep.

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Things changed after that night. Caitlin found herself spending more time with Barry and less time at the clubs. They went out to movies and dinner, watching sunsets on grassy hills as they shared more stories about themselves. It was all very peaceful and safe, something Caitlin reveled in but made her nervous as well. Since Ronnie, she had never solely spent time with one guy and one guy alone – she didn't know what it meant. However, she was too comfortable with her life to question it. She simply let it happen.

It wasn't until a few months into knowing him that she decided to bring it up.

"Do you have a soulmate?" Caitlin asked curiously one night, unsure as to why she was sitting on pins and needles about the answer he would give.

He looked at her for a long moment before shaking his head.

"I don't," he murmured and the relief that washed through her left her light headed.

"Oh," she replied.

"That doesn't mean I don't believe there's one out there for me," he added and she nodded her head, feeling disappointed suddenly. She wasn't sure why she hadn't thought about that; of course there would be someone for him – he was the perfect soulmate. They didn't say anything else and Caitlin suddenly found herself wanting to leave his apartment.

"I think I should go," she murmured as she stood up. He followed suit but placed his hand on her arm, stilling her. She looked at him curiously.

"How are you feeling about soulmates now, Cait?" Barry whispered and Caitlin swallowed nervously. How could she go against everything she believed in and tell him she thought he may be hers'? She hadn't even entertained the idea of a soulmate since Ronnie. Sighing, she looked at him.

"I'm…not sure," she hedged but he shook his head.

"Yes, yes you are. Don't over think it, sweetheart," he murmured and Caitlin felt vulnerable – raw and on display. Sighing again, she tucked some hair behind her ear as she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to protect herself from his prying eyes. He waited patiently.

"These last three months have been great," she began shakily. "I haven't felt as safe with someone as I have with you, not even Ronnie."

He nodded his head, soft smile tugging at his lips.

"I don't know if that means you're my soulmate but I'm willing to find out," she added.

"Good enough for me, Cait," he murmured and didn't hesitate to kiss her. After kissing for a few moments, they broke apart and Barry placed his forehead against hers', sighing contentedly.

"Caitlin?" Barry asked.

"Hmm?"

"You _have_ to quit smoking," he breathed and she laughed softly.

"Deal, sweetheart," she murmured.

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Caitlin and Barry spent nearly a year together before she moved in with him. True to her word, she had stopped smoking the night he asked her and they spent every day together, wrapped up in each other's arms. She also stopped going to clubs and drinking as much as she had been. Another year later found Barry proposing and she said yes without even hesitating. He had never done her wrong, and she often thought back to the night he first met her, asking her why soulmates weren't her "thing".

Looking back on it, she had a feeling it was serendipity, meeting him the way she had. He took his time with her, not rushing her into a relationship and letting her find out that she _did_ believe in the idea of soulmates, it had just been buried deep down. Smiling, she knew she'd never again question if she believed in soulmates. And that? That was good enough for her.

Fin.


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